I don't know about you, but there have been times in my life when my world has felt completely out of control. Like the whole world is conspiring to see me fall down. If this is how you're feeling right now, then have hope. I'm going to share with you the strategy that I use to take back control.

Feeling in control about our life is one of the fundamental needs of human beings. We need to feel that our world has a sense of order and purpose to it so that we can operate effectively. We feel confident and comfortable which allows us to relax and take it easy. We sleep easier and our stress levels go down.

When that sense of order is missing, we suffer all sorts of afflictions, such as stress, anxiety, we become teary and can't manage as well as we can under normal circumstances. Then we begin to beat ourselves up by talking harshly to ourselves and putting ourselves down. Sound familiar ... or maybe it's just me.

It's been said that we are in control as much as we are out of control. The only thing that changes is our perspective. When we see ourselves as in control, we are confident and calm. When we are out of control, we see the opposite.

Control is a funny world, isn't it? It conjures up all sorts of amazing images in our mind. Images like the ball and chain, lord and master, king and peasant. This needn't be the case. I remember when I first began my training as a Coach, at our first weekend of training I asked my trainer ... "How can we be out of control when there is so much going on in our life that requires us to be in control?" This is what she told me ...

The more you are able to learn about yourself, the greater the amount of control you will have. The more you come from a place of knowing rather than reacting, the more confident you will become.

So, here are my steps for gaining control ...

Step 1:   STOP!

Simply stop what you're doing and take a breath. We often scramble to take back control and find ourselves turning in circles. Stop what you're doing, take a deep breath, close your eyes as you let it out slowly. This will allow you to regain your composure.

Step 2:  ASK A BETTER QUESTION

Ask yourself, what's really going on here? If I were to take away all of the emotion, what am I left with? This will give you greater clarity around the situation and allow you to see it through new eyes.

Step 3:  WHAT CAN I OWN .. WHAT CAN I DISCARD?

Write a list of all the things that are going on right now. Then, next to each item, mark it with an O or a D. O is for the things that you can control. D is for the things that you can't control.

Step 4:  WRITE A NEW LIST

Write a list of all the items you have marked with an O. These are the things that you can control. Put them in order of priority and voila, you will feel more in control. You can then put your mind towards ticking those items off your list.

Give these steps a go and see what happens.

Remember, you can only control yourself and your actions. You can't control other people and what they do or don't do. Put your energy into yourself and achieving the outcome you want.